Can You Hear This?

For any of you that have missed me and my posted goings-on, rest assured, I did not fall off the face of the planet. (Although, there are times when the words “stop the world ’cause I want off’ do come to mind.) I just got busy writing about issues that don’t lend themselves really well to humor—not even my very ‘tongue in cheek’ style.

As I’ve researched and written about the current credit crisis, the lack of financial literacy in our country and many of the legislative and regulatory documents flying around in various areas of the government, I realized I must remember all for which I have to be thankful!

So I made a list of some of the many of the things for which I’m grateful. I’m sharing it with you in the hopes that you find things there for which you are grateful or a reminder of something you forgot to feel thankful for this year. I wish you all a very happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday! Cheers!

I am grateful/thankful for:

1. My precious pups. They love me no matter what my appearance, mood, weight or age. Such unconditional love is a wonderful gift to receive on a daily basis and the best anti-depressant, stress-reliever, mood-enhancer in the world. Forget drugs, people, go down to your local SPCA and let some adorable fur-ball adopt you as his/her very own person!!!

2. My wonderful Darlin’ Boy. Defined as ‘the most wonderful man in the world’—having gone through quite a few toads, trust me on this, I know wherefore I speak.

3. My son Beau. Despite his never-ending teenage belief that he has it all figured out and I woke up dumb as a rock this morning, he ia still a great kid, a good student and has a kind, compassionate nature.

4. My new nephew–KJ. I haven’t even met him in person yet and I’m already in love. He’s adorable.

5. The rest of my family which is mostly healthy, happy and doing well.

6. My most excellent Southern friends. They love you no matter whether you’re being good, bad or going crazy. And if you’re going crazy, they aren’t afraid to come along for the ride and keep you company.

7. My business friends and associates. They are a constant source of support and an invaluable resource no matter what the challenge posed. Thanks!

8. My good and continually improving health.

9. The constant reminders I’ve had this year of how much I’ve grown, how far I’ve come and the knowledge that I will continue to succeed in my life’s pursuits.

10. The luxury of choice. A freedom which not all have but to which most aspire.

Choose to be thankful, successful, wealthy, happy and free and you will find it so.

The older I get the more I understand the good fortune I had of being born in the South. I also have learned that everywhere in this country people have what they refer to as friends which to them could be their best pal from first grade or the cashier at the local grocery store that remembers their name, it doesn’t matter if they’ve known the individual decades or minutes, they are considered a friend.

In the South, even as a small child, I understood the difference between “knowing of” someone, an acquaintance, an associate (usually business-related) and a friend. In the South, you have Best Friends and here it is possible and commonplace to have more than one.

Unfortunately, none of my Best Friends live close by, they are all several hours drive or several hours flight away. However, whether I saw them last week or last year, I can show up at their homes welcome anytime. I know their kitchens, they know mine. If I’m there and get up first, I make coffee and/or breakfast. If they’re here and they get up first, they make coffee and/or breakfast. When they ask “How’s your family?” they actually want to know and expect to hear not just about my son or Darlin’ Boy, but Mama and Daddy, my brother, his wife and any antics of any of the
Aunts, Uncles or Cousins that may have transpired since the last time we talked. And while I may never have laid eyes on some of their family members, I know all about them, ask after them and can remember the details that have changed since the last time I asked.

This was sent to me by one of my best friends—cheers to the author!! No matter where you live, I hope you have the good fortune of having a “southern friend”!

FRIENDS” VS. “SOUTHERN” FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food. And lots of It.

FRIENDS: Will say “hello”.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. More than one.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad, and hug and kiss them hello too.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you; and for you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together. Then do the dishes before leaving.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And most of the time know you better than you do yourself.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the back-ends of the whole crowd that left you. Then walk beside you in the front of the crowd.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!” If you are not home they will wait.

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Are for life. And then some.

Our kitty, as you might know, is an interesting fellow. He weighs about 20lbs. and he’s not fat, he’s just big. At my old house, there was a small creek that ran behind the house. Kitty often brought me presents since the presence of the creek increased the abundance of critters around. At one point, because I was traveling so much and he preferred outside to in, the food I left for him on the deck became of interest to a family of raccoons and he fought them off too—-and it was 5 fairly large raccoons to one very indignant kitty.

My current home has a detached garage and as happens during winter months, if there is anything kept there that provides food for small creatures, they will become uninvited guests of the domain. Several small field mice apparently discovered a old bag of dry dog food from when Doggie first came to live with us. Old age precludes Doggie from eating dry food anymore and the bag, as often happens in garages, got shoved behind some other junk and forgotten. It was discovered by the mice and so they moved in and invited their friends to come party.

On the discovery of these little creatures inhabiting my extended living space, I promptly asked Darlin’ Boy to dispatch them for me. As I was leaving for the store, he asked that I purchase traps. Further questioned, he stated he wanted the old-fashioned spring traps which I really don’t care for at all. However, since he was going to take care of the mouse problem, I figured I couldn’t complain how he was going about it….

Once at the store, I discovered some alternative traps which were more humane and allowed for the release of the mouse unharmed, so I got both kinds. To my pleasure, Darlin’ Boy discovered that my humane “sticky” traps worked very well and didn’t require bait, so he used those. Over the next several days, several members of the mouse community found themselves stuck to the traps and Darlin’ Boy would carry them to a small wooded area near our house and released them back to their natural habitat.

All was going just swell until a recent morning when I opened the garage door and saw as I stepped in a small grey mouse stuck to one of the traps and struggling furiously to detach himself. Before I could react, Kitty came racing into the garage, ran right pass the mouse, which ceased moving and became still as death. Kitty was intent on another area of the garage at first but quickly “caught wind of” the stuck mouse and promptly pounced.

(I don’t know if I can do justice to what transpired in written form and, to this day, I regret I didn’t have a video recorder of some kind but, hopefully, the following description will provide your imagination with a good idea of what happened…)

Kitty leaped across the garage and landed on the mouse and trap. While Kitty had landed such that he could grasp the mouse in his jaws, he also unintentionally glued himself to the trap. His face, with the mouse surrounded by his teeth, stuck to one corner while two of his paws stuck to the the other side of the trap. As he realized his predicament and began to stuggle, more of his body became attached to the trap. The more he fought the worse it got. The best visual I can think of is the old Looney Tune cartoon character, Tasmanian Devil, who whirled, buzzed and chopped through air, trees and boulders like a tornado.

Kitty flew, flipped, twisted, turned and grappled until the sticky board tore apart separating his face and one paw, while the other paw remained attached to the corner with the mouse. Once mostly separated from the trap, he raced out of the garage, across the drive and around the house. I followed, still hoping to retrieve the mouse, unharmed, and release both the cat and the mouse from the trap.

I found Kitty hiding around the house in the mulch bed behind the shrubs, apparently wise enough not to try and bite the mouse again for fear of re-attaching his face to the sticky board. Unfortunately, the mouse did not survive the Kitty’s whirlwind flight around the garage. After some hesitation, Kitty did allow me to remove the deceased and the remainder of the trap from his paw, though he did remain hidden in the bushes the rest of the day, obviously traumatized.

Kitty doesn’t race into the garage anytime he finds the door open anymore. As for the mouse community, they have departed—whether they witnessed the demise of their friend and ran for their lives or Darlin’ Boy caught the rest and released them into the woods, I’m not sure but I’ll never forget the vision of Kitty’s Oscar-worthy impersonation of Taz! Quite a Cat-tas-trophy!

If you’ve ever shopped for medical insurance for yourself or spent time trying to decipher your plan’s coverage, as in what the insurance will and will not pay for, then you’d probably agree with me that it can be very confusing. I have a great agent and he has attempted on more than one occasion to help me better understand my coverage and what other options there are available. I still find the prospect of trying to change policies daunting. As part of his service, my agent also publishes a regular newsletter which offers all types of insurance and health tips. His recent newsletter provided the best possible relief to the stresses of the week…..laughter! Last Friday, he sent the newsletter below. He said he can’t take credit for it fully because he just re-formatted the questions and answers from an email he received. So, while I don’t know who deserves credit for the original, cheers to you, Alan, for sharing this and, of course, cheers to the author!

This week’s tips are an attempt to dispel the myth that insurance agents don’t have a sense of humor. That is simply not true. In fact, a recent study showed that compared to actuaries, insurance agents are the life of the party! Below is some information which may be useful when you are trying to figure out your HMO. We have also included some information we found about diet and exercise that may be valuable. Have a great weekend, Alan!

Insurance Questions Answered

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don’t worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day’s drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand.
I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you’re risking is the $20 co-payment, there’s no harm in giving it a shot.
Q. Will health care be different in the next decade?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Beer is made out of grain. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact,
they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

In honor of one of my favorite comedy routines, I’m posting this message I received from my brother. I remember watching Abbott and Costello re-runs on Saturday mornings sometimes instead of cartoons. I loved the “Who’s on first?” routine. Cheers to the author! Enjoy…

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, “Who’s on First?” might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals,
track expenses and run my business? What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W”.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue “w” if you don’t start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything
I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on “START”…..

;)

I have never been a “kodak” moment person. You know those people that always remember to bring a camera to an event so that it may be immortalized in a photo album for prosterity. These folks will make sure that any and all manner of pictures of the activities are taken, often to the chagrin of the those being photographed. My Mama, bless her heart, loves having pictures taken at any family gathering or event, however, she rarely remembers to bring her camera along, but when she does, look out!

She will snap away without care or concern of what she may be “capturing” on film. I have a picture of me and Beau, shortly after he was born, she snapped after I had fallen asleep breast feeding him. As he had fallen asleep too, I was, to put it politely, somewhat exposed. Oblivious to that fact, she wanted to display the photo which I promptly confiscated.

Mama is a piece of work in any situation but put a camera in her hands and she’s either dangerous or infuriating, depending on the circumstances. Since holidays are traditionally great “kodak” memory makers to her, she has been a tyrant on many a Christmas morning. Most kiddies just bound out of bed and run straight to the tree to see what Santa has left under it. My brother and I were restrained once we woke up, forced to comb our hair, wait for her to make coffee and get her camera. Then she had to go into the living room and position herself so that when we came into the room to see Santa’s gifts she could take our picture.

Year after year, every Christmas morning, instead of seeing all manner of toys and packages, my brother and I suffered with flash bulbs going off like we were standing on the red carpet at the Oscars. We saw spots in front of our eyes till noon, too, since each opening of each gift required an additional flash of her camera. Really puts a damper on the festivities, first of all and, second, NOT ONE of those photographs is something I or anyone else would ever want to see, now or then!

The coup de grace this year was on Christmas Day, after the day’s festivities, the opening of gifts, the eating of Christmas dinner and the drinking of much Christmas cheer, Mama announces at 9pm she wants to immortalize the day and take “family” portraits. By this point, my sister-in-law is already sound asleep on the sofa (it doesn’t take much “cheer” to send her to la-la land), Daddy is nodding off, the kids are elsewhere in the house entertaining themselves with all manner of new electronic gadgetry, Darlin’ Boy has the glazed over look he gets when he’s on his third or fouth football game for the day and I’m feeling positively gleeful that this year’s drama is almost over.

Mama, bless her heart, stands up (not too steadily, either, I might add) and begins to shout for the kids and annouces to all the semi-conscious adults that it’s time to take “family” pictures. I can say proudly, the only word out of my mouth was “NO”! She promptly starts to have a hissy. My “cheery” moody rapidly begins to wain and after listening to a few more rants and several more ear-piercing shouts for the kids to come downstairs, I had to intervene. I was direct and to the point!

“Forget it, ain’t happening, no way, no how!”, I tell her firmly. (None of the other adults present want to deal with the prospect of pictures or her tirade.) Then she begins to reference the display her sister has of her family’s portraits taken each holiday and how, she lacks any of our family. My response to this was succinct. “She has family portraits to display because she PLANS—IN ADVANCE!” You don’t wait till 9p at night after everybody is well on their way to a decent buzz to announce you’ve suddenly decided it’s time to take pictures.

To say that she left in a huff would put it mildly but, I am happy to report that we didn’t find her the next morning in the yard with reindeer prints on her forehead.

Hope your Holiday was Happy and Your New Year is Joyful and Prospersous! Cheers to 2007!

The following advice came to me via email from Darlin’ Boy and, while I don’t know who came up with these tips, I know I’d like to party with him/her!! Cheers to the author!

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy.. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!

Have a great holiday season!

Sometimes when we get so caught up in day-to-day life and its challenges, suddenly a reminder arrives from someplace unexpected that there is more to life than the last deadline at work, the next meeting on our agenda, most recent bill to be paid, the new pile of dirty laundy that needs to be washed, or the race to the school to pick up your child when you’re running late. Today, I got my reminder via email from my Mama, of course. As we prepare for whatever type celebration or activities that create Thanksgiving for ourselves and our families, the chore of preparing often outweighs the purpose. It was timely then for me to get a little reminder of many of the things that we should remember daily to be thankful for.

Again, cheers to the author! A little reminder never hurts……

I Am Thankful…. .

…for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

…for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been
surrounded by friends.

…for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have
enough to eat.

…for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

…for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and
gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

…for all the complaining I hear about the government because it
means we have freedom of speech.

…for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it
means I am capable of walking.

…for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it
means that I can hear.

…for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have
clothes to wear.

…for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it
means I have been productive.

…for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it
means that I am alive.

…for getting too much email because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me!

Wishing you and yours everything that makes you feel truly blessed this Thanksgiving! All the best, D

As most of you that visit regularly know, I get some pretty interesting stuff via email from friends, family and, of course, my Mama! I got the following list of rules from a ‘Bama friend. For those fortunate enough to be traveling through God’s country, otherwise known as THE SOUTH, pay attention!
I’ve copied these rules for all you non-Southerners to entertain, enlighten and insure your safe passage through our great land.

For the inexperienced traveler, these are fairly simple rules, easy to follow and will definitely ensure that you don’t “borrow trouble” while you’re here! Cheers to the author!

Subject: South Rules

If you are going to live or visit in the South, you need to know these rules.

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did MORE work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It’s called a “dirt road.” No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. The red dirt — it’s called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don’t wash your car for a couple weeks — it’ll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for — bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards (ducks) are making their final approach, we will shoot it (the phone). You might want to ensure it’s not up to your ear at the time.

8. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is really, really sweet. You want it hot — sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened — add a LOT of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We’re real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine (it’s farm equipment) that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church
on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address
our seniors with “yes, sir” and “yes, ma’am,” and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don’t do “hurry up” well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don’t putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like (money). Get it - pig farms - income - money? Get over it. Don’t like the smell? Interstate 75 goes two ways - Interstate 20 goes the other two Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and
sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-75 north then I-40 west.

19. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get
pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -
and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they’re not baseball players.

22. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot — his name is “Sir,” no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and
they’ll leave a logo on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature — all four of them — enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

25. No, we don’t care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there, why not stay there?

26. And no, down here we don’t have an accent, you do.

Ya’ll have fun and come back now, ya hear!

Just had to share this slightly different outlook on growing up in the time when kids weren’t swaddled, child-proofed and had only “arranged playdates” organized by soccer moms which I received via email from my friend, Sugah!

Cheers to the author!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930’s 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because……

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms……….WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And if YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?!