Can You Hear This?

Excuse me, but, as Southern as I am, I have to say that if I’m in a car accident of any severity, the question of my underwear’s cleanliness will not be one of my first concerns. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that starting the day with clean underwear, should you feel it necessary to wear underwear, is a must. (Yes, folks, there are those out there who apparently feel like it’s not a necessary piece of daily apparel. I use to wondered how some folks, no matter how tight the garmet, never had the slightest panty bulge. Well, imagine my chagrin when I learned they just go without!)

Women of a certain age in the South have long lists of things one simply must or must not do! A few examples are:

Don’t smoke on the street—since most buildings are smoke free these days, if you can’t smoke on the street, where can you? (I don’t smoke and I certainly don’t encourage it in others but you still have to wonder where people are suppose to go.)

Although, I do agree with this one, I was always told, if you’re going to wear open-toed shoes/sandals, your feet must be well-groomed and in the case of ladies, your nails polished. (Personally, I don’t want to see some old hippie retiree with birkenstocks and trench-foot and, with Nail salons on every corner, there’s just no excuse for one to put his/her ugly feet on display to the world! Get a pedicure!)

Don’t close the barn door after the mule is out! Basically, it’s too late. Whatever happened that you’re worried over can’t be undone, so it’s best just to go find the mule and bring him on back. (Toothpaste won’t go back into the tube either, if you squeeze out too much just go on and wash it down the drain, life’s too short to stress about it.)

Handbags and shoes are suppose to match and/or coordinate with one’s outfit. (Nobody would have imagined back then wearing a chartreuse ensemble with a shocking purple bag and shoes of yet another color.) Formal gowns require matching shoes, preferably dyed to the exact same shade.

Never wear white shoes before Easter or after Labor Day. Folks have gotten kind of lax on this one as I can also remember you never wore black shoes between Easter and Labor Day unless they were patent leather. It just wasn’t done. A lot of you youngsters out there can’t imagine not wearing black shoes 24/7 since that’s all you seem to own, but such was the case in my youth. (Of course, in those days, the only time you saw black nail polish or lipstick was at Halloween, so go figure!)