Can You Hear This?

Perhaps Sugar, Honey and I were a little hasty in calling them “husband” stories! Over the years, since we’ve been telling these tales, I’ve heard quite a few from the “other side of the fence”, don’t cha know! It appears that shrewing, snippy wives can be the source of many a “stupid” story. So in fairness to all the wonderful, dear friends I have that just happen to be men, we may have to change the title to “Stupid Spouse Stories”, ’cause, friends, I’m here to tell ya, I’ve heard some doozies!

Here’s one that should amuse you………………

One gentleman friend of mine, Handsome, was once married to a woman who had a strong sense of her position in the universe. She believed that she was the center of it; everyone and everything else revolved around her! Now, Handsome, being a very tolerant individual was willing to let his former wife attempt to act like the sun and try to shine. Unfortunately, more often than not, it was overcast and cloudy, if you get my drift.

Handsome, being the child of a formidable Southern woman, had been properly taught that household chores and such were equal opportunity activities. On Saturdays, they would divide chores. Wifey always chose to take care of those inside the house, while directing Handsome to take care of those outside.

One such bright Saturday morning, wifey was apparently daunted by the challenges of her indoor responsibilities. At the same time, she somehow discerned that Handsome was just having more fun than a barrel of monkeys outside, doing the yard. She demanded an equal opportunity to have a “fun time” doing the lawn. Handsome obliged her and busied himself with vaccuming the rug.

After some time, Handsome busy with the vaccum glances out the window and sees wifey coming around the house, lawn mower and gas can in tow. Handsome, somewhat taken aback, paused and watched in amazement wifey’s attempt to start-up the lawn mower.

Carefully uncapping the gas can, wifey begins searching the mower for the tank. Under normal conditions, being a true Southern gentleman, I believe Handsome would have offered wifey some valuable words of assistance, but her shrewish behavior earlier that morning had left him unwilling to put himself in “the line of fire” again, so to speak. The important words Handsome would have offered were simple enough——gas is not required when using an ELECTRIC mower!

There Handsome stands, observing out the front window, wifey twisting, turning, screeching and shoving the ELECTRIC mower as she was attempting to put gas in it. The humor of the situation did not escape him and as he is rolling on the floor, clutching his sides and hiccuping with laughter, wifey comes in to find out why she can’t find the gas tank on the ELECTRIC mower.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, finding Handsome prostrate with laughter only added to her ire. The more angry she got, the harder he laughed until he finally sputtered out the secret to her dilemma————the mower was ELECTRIC.

Somehow, armed with that bit of knowledge, wifey managed to get the lawn mowed while Handsome finished the indoor chores. Few words passed between them the rest of the day!

The moral of the story: the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, ……or behind the mower!