Can You Hear This?

From the annals of “Stupid Husband” stories………….

Back in the day, when I was married to the ex, he often expressed his feelings of superiority where mechanical things were concerned. As a result, he was unwilling to consider any information I might offer whenever a mechanical problem arose. The following is one such example:

One lovely fall morning, preparing to go to work, I went out to the garage, got in my car and turned the key in the ignition. I got a sound sound like, puuuuurrrrrrrrdddddddddddddd but nothing else. So, I accepted the fact that the battery was probably dead, called to have my company car brought over from my office and went to work.

On Saturday, the ex, convinced of his superior mechanical ability, went out to check the car and promptly decided that the battery was not dead because he could turn on the headlights. Having grown up with a family of mechanics and engineers, I was perplexed. But, the ex determined, in his wide and varied mechanical experience—-he had owned a grand total of 3 different cars in his life, the last two of which he’d never done more than change the oil in them—-that the battery was fine, the starter was the problem.

I asked how he had come to such a specific conclusion in such a short time. His answer is right up there with his assessment of paint removal (see the “Wash Out”): He said that since he could turn the headlights on that the battery wasn’t dead so it must be the starter. His supporting evidence, his first car. He claimed that if the battery was dead, he couldn’t even turn on the headlights.

I suggested that before he raced off to Auto Zone that he might want to at least try to jump start the car just to make sure that it wasn’t just a dead battery. He completely lost it and told me that I was too stupid to know what was wrong with the car, it was obviously the starter and he was going to go get one and install it. And…..off he went.

About 45 minutes later, he returns, starter in hand and begins to disassemble the car to replace the part. Two hours later, he has managed to install the new starter. He calls me out to the garage, planning to bask in the glory of his mechanical wisedom and ability, puts the key in the ignition and turns—–puuuurrrrrrrrrrrdddddddddd!!!

His immediate reaction, it’s not the starter but the alternator!!!????

Once again, I gently suggested that he try to jump start the car just in case it was only a dead battery. After all, he’d just spent considerable time and money installing a starter unnecessarily, so maybe, just maybe, trying to jump start the car before buying and installing a new alternator might be a good idea??!! He exploded! “You are so stupid and you know nothing about cars, I can’t believe you even said that again! I told you, the battery’s not dead, I can turn the headlights on.”

I asked if it had ever occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, the battery had enough juice to turn on the headlights but not enough to turn the motor over???!!??? His response is not printable in polite company—-suffice to say, it was extremely insulting.

At that point, feeling somewhat homicidal, I told him if he was so certain he knew what he was talking about and I was too stupid to know a dead battery when I see one, then why didn’t he just prove me wrong and show me that trying to jump start the car wouldn’t work.

He flung the door of his precious import open, got in, started it up and proceeded to position it so he could jump start my little compact. He got the jumper cables and hooked the cars up. I got in my little car and, whadda ya know, that little engine just turned right over and purred. I left it running, got out, yanked the cables off my previously dead battery and threw them at the former hubby. At the same time, I told him emphatically just exactly what he could do with them (which was intended to cause serious bodily discomfort) and that I was going to Sears to purchase the only needed part for my car—————-a new battery!

The moral of this story…………………..sometimes the obvious answer is obvious because it’s the right one! And, mechanical ability is not gender specific! So, girls, you can change the oil if you want to and, guys, you can be the hero and do it for her if you want to ……………….just don’t assume she can’t do it for herself!

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