Can You Hear This?

Once again, via email, my mama, bless her heart (I have no idea where she gets this stuff), sent me this little outline designed to help those of us who may be suffering (or for those around us who may be suffering) from reckless swings in hormone levels. For those things in life which you can not control but merely endure, insight into the process is often the only way to survive it.

Take heed to the advice herein, sufferers, and for those who suffer around you……………take cover, no use in getting caught in the crossfire! If you find you must walk on the emotional mine-field of a hormone hostage, please note chocolate is a basic survival tool!

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open is mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

[Basic questions and their appropriate responses:]

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t over-do it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one…

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a
good laugh, or men who need a warning.

Life is good, [we have chocolate!!!]