Party? No Panties!
One of my modern day heroines is the Boss Queen herself, Jill Connor Browne, of the Sweet Potato Queens. If you haven’t read any of her books, you must run out ASAP to the nearest bookstore and buy yourself some, preferably the whole set. Then, get yourself some of your favorite snack things, [fried, au gratin or chocolate are best] set yourself down and prepare to laugh yourself silly. Laughter is, as you well know, the very BEST medicine of all. If the idea of laughing hysterically, with tears rolling down your face, while reading a book embarrasses you, then pick someplace private, like your bedroom and commence to “healing” yourself.
If you’re not familiar with Ms. Browne’s literary talents, then the title of this post may be confusing, so let me explain…..
You Never wear panties to a party! is an SPQ motto. You have to read the “Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love” to understand how this came to pass but I will tell you of my recent experience which has some basic similarities to the one that started it all with the SPQs.
I was getting dressed recently to go to a fancy “do” that a dear friend invited me and Darlin’ Boy to attend. I have an appropriate “little black dress” for such an occasion, but of course, wanting to ensure that I presented a smooth silhouette, I chose to wear my panty hose sans panties. My Mama, bless her heart, just loved the little satin pumps I bought to go with the dress but after viewing them earlier in the afternoon, decided that they must be treated with Scotchguard to protect them from dirt and stains. She, conveniently, had a can and said she would fix them right up and bring them to me once I’d gotten dressed. (She doesn’t have plastic slip covers on the furniture, thank god, but she is a firm believer in Scotchguard.)
As I finished dressing, she came up to my bedroom with my newly treated shoes. As I started to put the shoes on, I discovered I had a run in my brand new pair of pantyhose. Fortunately, having bought the hose in bulk, I had another new pair handy. Mama, still sharp as a tack, don’t ya know, immediately noted I was putting the hose on sans panties and stated loudly that I “wasn’t wearing any underwear”, like I didn’t know?!!
In true SPQ fashion, without looking up from putting on my new hose, I said, “You never wear panties to a party!” I could practically HEAR the explosion of thoughts going through her mind from across the room, glanced up to see her sitting on the chaise, with a mixed look of disbelief and wonder. You’d thought I’d just pointed out one of the great secrets of the universe and she’s confused how had I known about it all these years, yet she didn’t.
Still taken aback by my comment, she queried, “why not”. I promptly replied, “You just don’t, everybody knows that”. Her next comment took me by surprise. “Well, that explains it. I never understood before why whenever we get together with Bob and Myrna to go out on the town, Bob never wants Myrna to wear underwear”. Knowing the crowd my parents hang out with, I found this statement simply amazing—but way too much information, thank you very much!
Just goes to show, kids, no matter how much you try to be open-minded and adult about it, it’s just really hard to see your parents in the same light when you begin to learn that they actually used to do,[ and maybe still do] all the same things that you do [or used to do]! They weren’t sober, celibate, or sedate in their youth and might be giving definition to the term “sexy senior citizen”.
So, remember, boys and girls, no matter what your age or what you’re doing………………..your parents have already “been there, done that!” And, never wear panties to a party because you just never know…………….. 
Have a Happy and Safe New Year! Best Wishes for a Peaceful and Prosperous 2006!
