Can You Hear This?

Having worked in long-term care for almost a decade, I learned a little about aging. Overall, people don’t age, only their bodies do!

I’ve met all kinds of people in nursing facilities and the one thing that I consistently heard was not about what they had, where they lived, who they knew but what they had done—and what they hadn’t done that they wished they had! No matter how much money anyone has, how much success, fame, or acclaim—the memories of your life are the one thing that will last, so make as many as you possibly can! Review them regularly, cherish them always!

As always, my Mama, bless her heart, sent me via email this slightly different draft of a Living Will. I have to tell you whatever your position on life support issues, this is not only pretty funny but it sounds like a better idea than some others I’ve seen and heard! Beside, Mama always said, “Might as well use it, you can’t take it with you….and I haven’t seen a Brinks truck following anyone to the cemetary yet!”

Cheers to whoever created this!

New Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for (please initial all that apply):

______X____chocolate,

______X___a margarita,

______X___a coke,

______X___a steak,

______X___a book,

______X___ the remote control,

______X___ a bowl of ice cream,

______X___ a Crown & Coke,

______X____ sex,

It should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the future of the millions of Americans who aren’t in a permanent coma.

Signature: ; ___________________________

Date: ___________________________

Witness: ___________________________

And remember my motto;

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Diet Coke in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have a Great day!