“Kodak” Moments….
I have never been a “kodak” moment person. You know those people that always remember to bring a camera to an event so that it may be immortalized in a photo album for prosterity. These folks will make sure that any and all manner of pictures of the activities are taken, often to the chagrin of the those being photographed. My Mama, bless her heart, loves having pictures taken at any family gathering or event, however, she rarely remembers to bring her camera along, but when she does, look out!
She will snap away without care or concern of what she may be “capturing” on film. I have a picture of me and Beau, shortly after he was born, she snapped after I had fallen asleep breast feeding him. As he had fallen asleep too, I was, to put it politely, somewhat exposed. Oblivious to that fact, she wanted to display the photo which I promptly confiscated.
Mama is a piece of work in any situation but put a camera in her hands and she’s either dangerous or infuriating, depending on the circumstances. Since holidays are traditionally great “kodak” memory makers to her, she has been a tyrant on many a Christmas morning. Most kiddies just bound out of bed and run straight to the tree to see what Santa has left under it. My brother and I were restrained once we woke up, forced to comb our hair, wait for her to make coffee and get her camera. Then she had to go into the living room and position herself so that when we came into the room to see Santa’s gifts she could take our picture.
Year after year, every Christmas morning, instead of seeing all manner of toys and packages, my brother and I suffered with flash bulbs going off like we were standing on the red carpet at the Oscars. We saw spots in front of our eyes till noon, too, since each opening of each gift required an additional flash of her camera. Really puts a damper on the festivities, first of all and, second, NOT ONE of those photographs is something I or anyone else would ever want to see, now or then!
The coup de grace this year was on Christmas Day, after the day’s festivities, the opening of gifts, the eating of Christmas dinner and the drinking of much Christmas cheer, Mama announces at 9pm she wants to immortalize the day and take “family” portraits. By this point, my sister-in-law is already sound asleep on the sofa (it doesn’t take much “cheer” to send her to la-la land), Daddy is nodding off, the kids are elsewhere in the house entertaining themselves with all manner of new electronic gadgetry, Darlin’ Boy has the glazed over look he gets when he’s on his third or fouth football game for the day and I’m feeling positively gleeful that this year’s drama is almost over.
Mama, bless her heart, stands up (not too steadily, either, I might add) and begins to shout for the kids and annouces to all the semi-conscious adults that it’s time to take “family” pictures. I can say proudly, the only word out of my mouth was “NO”! She promptly starts to have a hissy. My “cheery” moody rapidly begins to wain and after listening to a few more rants and several more ear-piercing shouts for the kids to come downstairs, I had to intervene. I was direct and to the point!
“Forget it, ain’t happening, no way, no how!”, I tell her firmly. (None of the other adults present want to deal with the prospect of pictures or her tirade.) Then she begins to reference the display her sister has of her family’s portraits taken each holiday and how, she lacks any of our family. My response to this was succinct. “She has family portraits to display because she PLANS—IN ADVANCE!” You don’t wait till 9p at night after everybody is well on their way to a decent buzz to announce you’ve suddenly decided it’s time to take pictures.
To say that she left in a huff would put it mildly but, I am happy to report that we didn’t find her the next morning in the yard with reindeer prints on her forehead. 
Hope your Holiday was Happy and Your New Year is Joyful and Prospersous! Cheers to 2007!
