Can You Hear This?

The following advice came to me via email from Darlin’ Boy and, while I don’t know who came up with these tips, I know I’d like to party with him/her!! Cheers to the author!

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy.. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!

Have a great holiday season!

Sometimes when we get so caught up in day-to-day life and its challenges, suddenly a reminder arrives from someplace unexpected that there is more to life than the last deadline at work, the next meeting on our agenda, most recent bill to be paid, the new pile of dirty laundy that needs to be washed, or the race to the school to pick up your child when you’re running late. Today, I got my reminder via email from my Mama, of course. As we prepare for whatever type celebration or activities that create Thanksgiving for ourselves and our families, the chore of preparing often outweighs the purpose. It was timely then for me to get a little reminder of many of the things that we should remember daily to be thankful for.

Again, cheers to the author! A little reminder never hurts……

I Am Thankful…. .

…for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

…for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been
surrounded by friends.

…for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have
enough to eat.

…for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

…for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and
gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

…for all the complaining I hear about the government because it
means we have freedom of speech.

…for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it
means I am capable of walking.

…for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it
means that I can hear.

…for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have
clothes to wear.

…for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it
means I have been productive.

…for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it
means that I am alive.

…for getting too much email because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me!

Wishing you and yours everything that makes you feel truly blessed this Thanksgiving! All the best, D

With everything that is happening in the world today, good news seems scarce. Then, seemingly out of the blue, you get a small reminder of all that is right in the world. You remember to value your friends and family and to be grateful for what you have instead of worrying about what you don’t have. Plan for what you want and prepare for the unexpected and take care of yourself along the way because you never know what you may need to do, but you want to be up to the task!

The following ten lesson’s came to me from a friend and I want to share them with you!

Cheers to the author!

Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah’s Ark.

ONE: Don’t miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
FOUR: Stay fit. When you’re 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
SIX: Build your future on high ground.
SEVEN: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you’re stressed, float awhile.
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Most people walk in and out of your life……but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart

Having worked in long-term care for almost a decade, I learned a little about aging. Overall, people don’t age, only their bodies do!

I’ve met all kinds of people in nursing facilities and the one thing that I consistently heard was not about what they had, where they lived, who they knew but what they had done—and what they hadn’t done that they wished they had! No matter how much money anyone has, how much success, fame, or acclaim—the memories of your life are the one thing that will last, so make as many as you possibly can! Review them regularly, cherish them always!

As always, my Mama, bless her heart, sent me via email this slightly different draft of a Living Will. I have to tell you whatever your position on life support issues, this is not only pretty funny but it sounds like a better idea than some others I’ve seen and heard! Beside, Mama always said, “Might as well use it, you can’t take it with you….and I haven’t seen a Brinks truck following anyone to the cemetary yet!”

Cheers to whoever created this!

New Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for (please initial all that apply):

______X____chocolate,

______X___a margarita,

______X___a coke,

______X___a steak,

______X___a book,

______X___ the remote control,

______X___ a bowl of ice cream,

______X___ a Crown & Coke,

______X____ sex,

It should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the future of the millions of Americans who aren’t in a permanent coma.

Signature: ; ___________________________

Date: ___________________________

Witness: ___________________________

And remember my motto;

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Diet Coke in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have a Great day!

For those who wish to find the meaning of inner peace, the first thought would be to begin studies in yoga, meditation, tai chi, or some other metaphysical subject. Yet, for those who find such studies somewhat esoteric, the following pursuit of inner peace may be the answer. I received this via email from my mama and, after a quick review, it’s looking pretty calming to me:

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we could all do with a little calm. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off all the things you have started”.

So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started and hadn’t finished .

Before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Baileys, three Bacardi Breezers, the Absolut, the Prozac, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how flippin’ good I feel.

You should pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace!

May peace be with you or, at the very least, may you have no feeling in your head when you wake in the morning!

Spring is in the air and as the trees become leafy and green and the buds begin to burst into bloom, you look in the mirror and want to see something new there too! All of us do, at some point or another. Male or female, it makes no difference.

So, here you are, it’s Spring and you want a little bloom of your own. Like all new plants, you could probably use a little water!

You learned in science class long ago that your body is made up of mostly water, about 70%, I think. As we go through life, we regularly consume water in many forms. Unfortunately, most of us don’t consume ENOUGH water regularly and, even when we do, it’s in a poor form. Believe it or not, it necessary for your physical energy and your spiritual energy. Dehydration can actually contribute significantly to higher stress levels.

I’m not saying that if you’re thirsty, you’re going to stress out. What I am saying is that, if you’re thirsty, physically or spiritually, whatever stress you experience will be exacerbated! (I’ve actually tested this with sales people and, after several weeks of drinking sufficient water daily, they all reported feeling much less stress in their jobs!)

It is necessary for your overall well-being to drink 65 to 70 ounces of pure water daily. This not only maintains your body’s hydration, but it helps keep it flushed of toxins. You should also note that for every 8 ounces you drink of coffee, soda, or alcohol, your body requires at least 16 ounces of plain water to offset the negative effect those beverages have on your system.

The results of this drenching……………..you’ll have more energy, feel more buoyant, and your skin and hair will shine!

Take a minute to sparkle and shine, have a drink! Make sure you get your daily quota of water and enjoy your new bloom!