Sometimes life just gets to be too much and the only answer is to “run away”. You know, not the tie your bandana filed with stuff on a pole, kind of “run away” but the “let’s pile into the car and take off for a few days” run away. Once out of college, these type events are hard to arrange among responsible folks. However, I am fortunate to have a few friends that understand and appreciate the value of a getaway and we schedule them if we have to.
One particular getaway involved a couple of my best pals, Honey and Sugar. We decided that there was nothing to be done but just leave town and meet someplace where our SOs, Husbands, children, etc. weren’t. It didn’t matter to us particularly where it was as long as when we got there it had a clean room, a reasonably comfortable bed and a POOL. Our choice was a Hampton Inn about halfway between where we each lived.
We arrived early on Saturday morning, complete with all the necessary “getaway” provisions. They included, but were not necessarily limited to, the following: bathing suits, beach towels, sunscreen, munchies of fattening variety (chips, cheese, crackers, chocolate), munchies of a healthy variety (grapes, cheese, crackers, and chocolate) beer, wine, and various wine cooler type beverages.
Honey arrived at said Hampton Inn first and proceeded to do the appropriate thing………..she commandeered an entire corner of the pool area that included the three best chaise lounges available and a table with 3 chairs and an umbrella. (Yeah, I know! We’re those annoying types that have all the best stuff already set up when you arrive at the end of your long day of driving for an overnight stay at the Hampton Inn on your way to see the world’s largest ball of twine. Oh, well, stop your whining and get there earlier if you don’t want to have to deal with us!)
We spent the better part of an hour discussing all the challenges we overcame in order to be able to get in our cars and leave our poor, needy families behind. Then we spent some time discussing all the reasons we needed to get away from our families and work stresses in the first place. We moved on to discussing all the stuff we would have to do to make up for being “away” when we got home the next afternoon. After all that catching up, we finally got to the good stuff………….
When you put 3 stressed out women, plenty of snack food, copious amounts of alcohol, abundant sunshine, and a reasonably close bathroom together, you can bet your last dollar and win, that the topic of conversation will eventually end up sexual in nature. It’s inevitable. We talk about new loves, old loves, lost loves, or some other aspect of our interaction with the opposite sex. And, since we’re all fans of Victoria’s Secrets, we also compare notes on our most recent lingerie purchases.
Men may lust over the pages of the Victoria’s Secrets catalog but we talk about what we’ve actually bought, how it fits, whether or not it makes you look even remotely like the model in the picture! You have to understand, sometimes buying lingerie is like buying an anti-aging creme. You know, deep down, there’s no chance that you could ever look like the 12-year-old model they use for the advertisement, but, hope springs eternal.
Now, as I said, we had all been wound pretty tight for an extended period of time and we were truly enjoying the process of unwinding big time!!!! The day was passing most pleasantly for us and we finally decided that the sun had warmed us to the point that we needed to venture into the pool to cool off. As we slipped gracefully into the cool water, our conversation continued but, we realized that we were not alone. We finally noticed HIM. At this moment, you’re probably thinking some young, buff, bronze, Greek-god looking creature had strolled into the pool area to laze about in swim trunks for our viewing pleasure. WRONG.
Truth is, it was more of a middle-aged, slight of build, balding and frumpy, GEEK looking creature. There he was on the far side of the pool, sitting at the other umbrellaed table dressed in what is termed in today’s workplace as “business casual”. He appeared to be completely engrossed in this massive 3-ringed binder.
After tying a niffty little sarong discreetly over my bikini, I walked around the pool to the parking lot to get something from the car. I passed close enough to geek boy’s table to see what had him so enraptured. The binder was a Microsoft Windows programing training guide. Suffice it to say, I couldn’t imagine why anyone, geek or otherwise, would be spending a gorgeous summer day sitting by a pool at the Hampton Inn in Po’dunk*, reading a computer training guide.
Upon returning to my cohorts and quietly informing them of the geek’s choice of poolside reading material, we returned to our previous conversation. Honey was telling us of this particularly interesting piece of lingerie which consisted of a sort-of merry-widow, teddy-type thing with garters. The more we discussed the benefits of this piece the closer geek boy began to get to the edge of the pool. Apparently, he was intent on hearing the details of our lingerie experiences as well.
In our completely relaxed, de-stressed (and somewhat inebriated state), we were thoroughly enjoying the description of Honey’s experience with this amazing, albeit challenging, piece of lingerie. Then I suddenly saw our intrepid geek had again manuvered himself dangerously close to the pool’s edge. As Honey’s instruction of how to get into this contraption continued, he scoots closer still until he just barely manages to catch himself before tipping head first into the water.
Needless to say, since geek boy was obviously not dressed for swimming and was, therefore, risking a dunk in the pool as a result of his clumsy attempt at eavesdropping, we didn’t offer him any assistance of any kind. Had the silly man had any sense at all, he could have just walked right over, introduced himself properly and asked for the item number from the catalog.
It would have saved him the embarrassment of almost pitching headfirst into the pool and he would have had the luxury of saying he met 3 lovely, charming ladies poolside at the Hampton Inn. Instead, he just pick himself and his big ole binder up and slunk away in his hush puppies never knowing the appropriate catalog issue or item number.
Men just never learn……..good manners will always get your farther than eavesdropping. Instead of a great piece of lingerie, his true love probably got something ridiculous like a box of salt water taffy. As Charlie Brown would say, “Good Grief!”
*Please note, readers, that I have absolutely no idea if there is a place called Po’dunk, or if there is, whether or not Hampton Inn has a facility there. The location of this particular outing has been changed to ensure that we can go back!. 
I do try to be helpful when I can!)
